Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Dec19/Jan20 Aspire Mag FINAL | Page 59

2 Overcompensating
When I speak at parenting conferences, I’ll
often ask, “How many of you had parents who
were really in tune to your emotions growing
up?” It’s usually about 5% of the room that
raises their hands. I’ve come to believe that, in
response, one of the primary problems today
is that parents are overcompensating. You
wish your mom had listened to your worries…
and so you listen to hers. And listen. And listen
again—sometimes to her worries more than
her accomplishments. What you give attention
to is what’s reinforced, after all. Maybe you wish
your parents hadn’t made you do something
that made you afraid at a certain age—spend
the night out, learn to waterski, etc. And so
now you don’t want to push your daughter in
the way your parents pushed you. Here’s the
thing. The worry experts agree that to work
through anxiety, any of us—kids included—
just have to do the scary thing. Back in the
day, many of our parents didn’t know how to
provide emotional support while we did the
scary thing, however. You can.
The final trap many parents fall into is
overcatastrophizing. Parents who are
anxious tend toward language that is
sometimes bigger than the situation
warrants. “That sounds terrifying!” Or “It
was horrible!” when it really wasn’t—or isn’t
terrifying. Be aware of your language about
her life—and yours. She needs you to model
your own confidence and grit in order to
help her develop hers. Kids with anxiety see
the problem as bigger and themselves as
smaller. Overcatastrophizing only enlarges
the problem.
As a parent, self-awareness is one of the
greatest gifts you can give your children.
You want to be aware of how you were
raised and how your parents responded to
your own worries. That awareness can lead
to even more empathy on your part—and
encouragement. She is capable. As her
mom, you have an ability to speak to her
confidence and her belief in herself in a way
that no one else can. Remind her regularly
of how brave she is. How strong. How much
you believe in who God’s made her to be. And
listen and hug and love on her lots, too. It’s
both things. Your care and your confidence
in her will help her not only feel loved but feel
believed in. And that combination is what
she longs for most—at every age.
Sissy Goff, M.Ed., LPC-MHSP - Sissy is the Director of Child
and Adolescent Counseling at Daystar Counseling Ministries in
Nashville, TN, with the help of her counseling assistant, Lucy the
Havanese puppy. She is a sought-after speaker and the author of
eleven books, including her brand book for parents, Raising Worry-
Free Girls (Bethany House, September 2019) and the companion
workbook for girls ages 8-11, Braver, Stronger, Smarter (Bethany
House, December 2019). You can find her at raisingboysandgirls.com.
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The worry experts agree
that to work through
anxiety, any of us—
kids included—just
have to do the scary
thing.
3 Overcatastrophizing