Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Dec19/Jan20 Aspire Mag FINAL | Page 48

“You should check out that new gym,” meant
“I want to try that new gym, but I’m afraid or
I’m stuck or I think I’m not the kind of person
who checks out new gyms, but maybe if we
both do it, I will be more comfortable.”
Yes, sometimes—coming from people who
know you well and are always and forever
for you—should means something else,
something like, “Here is a gift that will make
your one and only life even more marvelous.”
But most of the time, when someone says,
“you should,” I’m convinced they are not
trying to make me a to-do list. They’re giving
me a message about their own feelings, and
all I need to do is listen.
Listening—to myself, or to whomever is
talking—is a sign of respect. It’s a very quiet
way of saying you are loved.
There’s no love in chasing down all the
shoulds. When I do that, I haven’t really
seen you, I’ve just let you knock into me,
your kinetic energy sending me off in a new
direction. But I am not a ping-pong ball,
and your should is not a paddle trying to
smack me onto a new path. And if I listened
to myself more, I might feel less obligated
to chase everything someone else thinks I
should chase. If I spent more time listening
to myself, I might know if a thing was right
for me without having to investigate it at all.
When someone says, “you should,” I am
trying to hear, “share my joy.” If that doesn’t
work, I try to hear, “please encourage me.”
“You should” isn’t about me, it’s about them.
I don’t have to do anything at all. If “you
should” is about the other person, then just
listening is enough.
48
I
LISTENING—TO
MYSELF, OR TO
WHOMEVER IS
TALKING—IS A SIGN
OF RESPECT. IT’S A
VERY QUIET WAY OF
SAYING YOU ARE
LOVED.
can say, “I want to hear more about that! Tell
me everything.” I can listen. I can just listen.
It’s so much simpler than I thought. My real
assignment is to listen, to learn, to love, and
to make my own best choices by knowing
myself. That’s it. That’s all I need to do.
I don’t have to feel guilty. I don’t have to
explain myself. I don’t have to research
anything. I don’t even have to pretend.
I can say to the woman who thinks I should
try the cheese samples at the grocery store,
“It’s good, huh? It looks really good,” and then
we can both move on with our lives, shining
a little brighter because we connected.
Taken from Permission Granted by Melissa Camara
Wilkins. Copyright © 2019 by Melissa Camara Wilkins.
Used by permission of Zondervan. www.zondervan.com.
Melissa Camara Wilkins - Melissa Camara Wilkins is an award-
winning blogger, speaker, author of Permission Granted:
Be Who You Were Made to Be and Let Go of The Rest, and
mom of six in Southern California. Connect with Melissa at
www.melissacamarawilkins.com.
www.AspireMAG.net | December 2019 / January 2020