Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Dec/Jan 2019 Aspire Magazine Final - Page 66

A STANDARD IS A LEVEL OF EXISTENCE THAT YOU HAVE FOR YOURSELF THAT YOU WILL NOT DROP BELOW. How do we create relationships, where we own our self-worth, and we are not “walked all over” without using boundaries as a tool? That is a Quality Question! Great question!!! You do that with STANDARDS, Ownership and an elevated skill set. What is a Standard? A standard is a level of existence that you have for yourself that you will not drop below. For instance, I have a standard for myself that I will not do drugs. That’s not who I am. I will not fall below my standard for myself. I don’t need ANYONE else to change. I don’t judge anyone else for how they live their life or whether they do drugs or not. This is a standard just for ME. It’s about me OWNING who I really am and knowing the limit below which I will not fall. Standards are not RULES. Rules are just a tool that people use to try to exert control over others. We are not talking about rules here. We are talking about STANDARDS that you have for YOURSELF. 66 Notice, my standard is for ME. I don’t need anyone else to cooperate with me. I know my standards for myself and I won’t drop below them. And if, by fluke, I do… it won’t last, because I’m just not myself if I drop below my standards. I will come back to me and live by my standard. That’s clear when it’s a standard just for yourself, but how about in relationships with other people? In my relationship, I have a standard that I will not be a woman who is hit. That’s my standard. I won’t fall below that. Now, here’s where I want to show you the difference between a standard and a boundary. A standard is fully within my power and about me. If someone I am in relationship with hits me, I will not stay in the situation where that is happening. Here’s the thing, life happens. People get hit. It sucks and none of us want that, but we can’t control the world and sometimes shitty things happen. I’ve been hit, maybe you’ve been hit. I’m not belittling it or making it ok. I’m actually making a point. I can’t STOP everyone in the world from doing something to me. What I can do is change my life and my decisions to make myself someone who is much less likely to end up in that situation. But let’s be honest, life is long and there are people all over the place and I can’t control other people. I hope and pray that for the rest of my life I will be a woman who doesn’t get hit, but I’m bound to | December 2018 / January 2019