Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Dec/Jan 2019 Aspire Magazine Final | Page 49

Giving feels good...but
how about receiving?
How good are you at the
art of receiving?
If you are not sure how
to answer that question,
think about a time recently
when someone gave you a
compliment. How did you
receive it? Did you accept it
graciously with a thank you,
or did you respond in some
way that minimized what
was shared or deflected the
compliment all together?
If you are anything like me
or many of the clients I have
worked with over the past
twenty-five years, receiving
does not come naturally.
When you are a proud
member of the “Nurture
Everyone Else First Club,”
not only is receiving not
part of how you orient
yourself in the world, it can
actually feel uncomfortable.
Gracious acceptance is an art -
an art which most never bother
to cultivate. We think that we
have to learn how to give, but we
forget about accepting things,
which can be much harder than
giving… Accepting another
person’s gift is allowing him to
express his feelings for you.”
Giving
provides
us
an opportunity to feel
purposeful, meaningful, and
connected. It allows us to
express our love for others
in concrete and practical
ways. Giving gifts is one way
we nurture others, but there
are so many other ways
including the gift of our time,
sharing food, taking care of
and supporting others, and
remaining open and loving.
– ALEXANDER MCCALL SMITH
As a result, even receiving
a compliment can be
challenging. When we
attach our identity to being
a giver, we actually block
the possibility of receiving.
The longer we stay in
the cycle of giving but
not receiving, the more
stressed, exhausted, and
eventually burned out we
become. The joy we felt in
the giving drains away and
we start feeling resentful
and unappreciated. We
actually diminish our ability
to give by not receiving, as
we have less to give and
the quality of our giving is
diminished by the energy
of resentment, obligation,
and bitterness attached to
the giving.
When we are drained but
still giving, we may expect
to
be
acknowledged
and appreciated for our
generous giving, and if
that does not happen
we can feel even more
resentment, anger, and
disconnection. Since our
giving is rooted in nurturing
people we love and care
about, feeling disconnected
can be profoundly painful
and decrease the sense of
purpose our giving usually
provides.
Another contributing factor
is our cultural heroine - the
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