Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Dec/Jan 2019 Aspire Magazine Final - Page 26

It begins with looking within. Whether we’ve spent a lifetime living or resisting the “the Good Girl” script we can all get caught up in the either/or split of right or wrong, good or bad. It’s a chronic human fixation, which is particularly damaging for us as women. It fuels our self-judgment, perfectionism and insecurity, all the things, which keep us playing small and living from a fraction of who we truly are. It’s rooted in the fear driven premise: to be good and right is the path to well-being. It harkens back to centuries of cultural and religious programming, which told our mothers, their mothers and their grandmothers, if you are good/right you will receive love, protection, support. And if you’re wrong or bad you will be punished. While most of us are not consciously living out the belief of this old legacy it still affects us from deep in our subconscious. How can one tell? By the harsh self-judgments and perfectionism of the inner critic who wields her measuring stick of right and wrong, good and bad, worthy or worthless. Last Spring, I had two events, which brought me to the core of my own right or wrong legacy. The first was a situation with my 13-year-old, daughter, who was experiencing some very serious challenges. While my husband and I were taking consistent action to provide the needed support, her situation was very painful, messy and public for quite a while. Throughout, I felt a chronic fear and expectation of judgment from the outer world. It corresponded with a corrosive self- judgment that went something like, “I/we/my daughter must have done something really wrong to end up in this kind of a mess. How could anybody see me as anything but a bad mother?” Ouch. 26 “Out beyond right and wrong there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about.” – Rumi How often do we do this? Go to blame and judgment when life gets messy. And when it comes to our children it’s even more intense. It’s how we hold onto a sense of safety and illusion of control when life feels completely out of our control. It’s an age-old defense we’re being invited to release. With loving support from trusted soul sisters, I responded to my own fear and self-judgment with a consistent practice. I repeatedly centered in my deep inner Truth, our situation had little to do with any of us doing something right or wrong. But was ultimately our opportunity to come together as a family to heal old wounds. Living from this truth enabled us to move through the mess and emotional pain with Grace and support rather than getting stuck in blame, judgment and defensiveness. Through the support of my practice and trusted sisters, | December 2018 / January 2019