Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Dec/Jan 2019 Aspire Magazine Final | Page 26

It begins with looking within. Whether we’ve
spent a lifetime living or resisting the “the
Good Girl” script we can all get caught up
in the either/or split of right or wrong, good
or bad. It’s a chronic human fixation, which
is particularly damaging for us as women.
It fuels our self-judgment, perfectionism
and insecurity, all the things, which keep us
playing small and living from a fraction of
who we truly are. It’s rooted in the fear driven
premise: to be good and right is the path to
well-being. It harkens back to centuries of
cultural and religious programming, which
told our mothers, their mothers and their
grandmothers, if you are good/right you
will receive love, protection, support. And
if you’re wrong or bad you will be punished.
While most of us are not consciously living
out the belief of this old legacy it still affects
us from deep in our subconscious. How can
one tell? By the harsh self-judgments and
perfectionism of the inner critic who wields
her measuring stick of right and wrong, good
and bad, worthy or worthless.
Last Spring, I had two events, which brought
me to the core of my own right or wrong legacy.
The first was a situation with my 13-year-old,
daughter, who was experiencing some very
serious challenges. While my husband and
I were taking consistent action to provide
the needed support, her situation was
very painful, messy and public for quite a
while. Throughout, I felt a chronic fear and
expectation of judgment from the outer
world. It corresponded with a corrosive self-
judgment that went something like, “I/we/my
daughter must have done something really
wrong to end up in this kind of a mess. How
could anybody see me as anything but a
bad mother?” Ouch.
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“Out beyond right and
wrong there is a field.
I will meet you there.
When the soul lies
down in that grass,
the world is too full
to talk about.”
– Rumi
How often do we do this? Go to blame and
judgment when life gets messy. And when it
comes to our children it’s even more intense.
It’s how we hold onto a sense of safety and
illusion of control when life feels completely
out of our control. It’s an age-old defense
we’re being invited to release.
With loving support from trusted soul
sisters, I responded to my own fear and
self-judgment with a consistent practice. I
repeatedly centered in my deep inner Truth,
our situation had little to do with any of us
doing something right or wrong. But was
ultimately our opportunity to come together
as a family to heal old wounds.
Living from this truth enabled us to move
through the mess and emotional pain with
Grace and support rather than getting stuck in
blame, judgment and defensiveness. Through
the support of my practice and trusted sisters,
www.AspireMAG.net | December 2018 / January 2019