Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Aug/Sept 2019 Aspire Mag FINAL | Page 43

It is strengthening the
relationship you have with
yourself so you really can
choose to say yes to you,
in service of being more
available to those you love.
I want to be clear that when
I’m talking about selfish — or
self-care or self-love — it’s
not at the expense of others.
It’s always a both/and.
So many of us have
disowned selfish, deeming
it as bad or wrong,
determined to be anything
but selfish. Since we reject
it, we end up projecting it
out onto others. Then we
end up finding ourselves
surrounded by people who
exhibit selfish behavior
and so we point a finger at
them. All that is really doing
is illuminating the lack of
integration of this very
quality within ourselves.
The truth is that we are
all selfish and selfless.
When we’re feeling that
we can’t embrace our
selfishness, what we’re really
saying is that we can’t even
bring ourselves into the
equation, or conversation,
to actually have our needs
“But isn’t that selfish?!?!”
a caller on my Hay House
Radio show exclaimed in
horror when I suggested that
she make herself a priority.
“Yes,” I said, “Exactly!”
met. And I want to flip this,
especially for those of us who
have been people pleasers.
For all of us who have been
living in reaction to others,
codependent and allowing
our moods and behavior and
actions to be determined by
people around us.
Redefining selfish begins
with being willing to believe
you are worthy of receiving.
Anchoring in your own non-
negotiables, and giving to
yourself as much (or more!)
than giving to others, calls
upon you to get comfortable
with naming your own needs,
and then asking for what you
need! We are less likely to
lose ourselves in relationship
if we truly honor ourselves,
and from here we can allow
the relationship itself to honor
the truth of who we are.
This, to me, is the new
relationship blueprint. This
is the way that we can
actually, each of us, have our
Selfish is simply
another way we can
relate to self-care and
self-love.
needs met in relationship in
a healthy way. Trusting that
our intimate relationships
are a container that can
hold the truth of who we
each are, and that this
container is strong enough
to hold our differences,
too. It’s about getting in
touch with and expressing,
“Here’s what I’m doing for
myself in order to be me.”
Not asking permission,
simply informing. We can
be available for impact, but
we don’t have to change
our minds.
We have to create the
foundation of our own
self-care — no one will
do that for us.
I used to keep myself on
the back burner, making
everything and everyone
around me more important.
Living on high alert for the
ways I could serve from the
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