Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) April/May 2020 Aspire Magazine FULL Issue | Page 84

able to discover what’s really bothering her
and even find a way to help herself.
Try this with your partner, your neighbor,
your cousin, or anyone else who calls just
to catch up. When they tell you something
about their life, say, “Tell me more.” And
keep listening. Let them dive deeper and
deeper into their thoughts and feelings.
Notice what happens.
Listening is one of the most powerful ways
we let other people know they are important
to us. How we respond when they are
talking is critical, but another component is
important as well: recalling later what they
said. For example, in the story above, Evan
might follow up a few days later and ask if
Shanice had any more thoughts about her
grandfather or visiting her grandmother.
Listening is one of
the most powerful
ways we let other
people know they are
important to us.
predetermined direction — that is, where he
wants it to go or where he thinks it might or
should go. Instead, he decides to truly hear
her. He is able to see Shanice as different
from himself, and because of this, she is
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And listening isn’t just good for the person
being heard — it’s good for the listener as
well. When we feel close to another person,
our brains release oxytocin, the chemical
that promotes bonding. Just think about
those times you’ve felt a genuine sense of
intimacy with someone else when you were
laughing together, crying together, or feeling
truly heard and understood. It’s exciting to
feel so connected, and at the same time it’s
deeply calming, like stroking a pet or sitting
by the ocean.
Excerpted from the book Love Skills. Copyright ©2020
by Linda Carroll. Printed with permission from New World
Library — www.newworldlibrary.com.
Linda Carroll - Linda is the author of Love Skills and Love Cycles.
While she has worked as a therapist and couple’s coach for over
three decades and has acquired numerous certificates and degrees
along the way, she says that her own thirty-five-year marriage is the
primary source of her knowledge when it comes to the cycles of
love. Visit her online at lindaacarroll.com.