Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) April/May 2020 Aspire Magazine FULL Issue | Page 83

Three Magic Words
“Tell me more” is a powerful phrase when
backed by a genuine willingness to pay
attention to the answers. Listening with
true presence — that is, taking in what the
other is saying without judging, suggesting,
or trying to fix — is a gift that we can offer
another person. As author and National
Humanities Award recipient Krista Tippett
has said, “Listening is about being present,
not just about being quiet.” Fundamentally,
it’s about recognizing that the conversation
is about the other, not about you.
Too often, a conversation goes like this:
Shanice: I had a tough day today.
Evan: Oh, your job is always getting
you down.
—or—
I’m worried that you’re not getting
enough sleep.
—or—
Well, the problem is that your boss is
a jerk.
But if Evan used the three magic words, the
conversation would go very differently:
Shanice: I had a tough day today.
Evan: Oh? Tell me more.
We often equate the expression “three magic
words” with “I love you.” But there are three
other magic words that can allow you to
discover important things about your partner
(and others) that you’d never have imagined.
Just as important, these words will help your
partner to feel deeply cared about and seen
— and to want to respond to you in kind. The
words are, “Tell me more.”
“Tell me more” is
a powerful phrase
when backed by a
genuine willingness
to pay attention to
the answers.
Shanice: My mind just isn’t on my
work.
Evan: What are you thinking about?
Shanice: I’ve been thinking about my
grandfather a lot lately for some reason.
He’s on my mind so much that I can’t
seem to focus like I want to.
Evan: That’s interesting. What is it
about your grandfather that’s gotten
your attention?
Shanice: Well, he was so important to
me when I was a kid, and I miss him
a lot. Oh wow, I just realized the tenth
anniversary of his death is this week.
Evan: How do you think that’s affecting
you?
Shanice: Well, until this moment, I
hadn’t realized it was the anniversary.
Until we started talking, I had no idea
why I’ve been so distracted. Huh. You
know, I think I need to spend some
time with my grandmother. Visiting
Grandma is exactly what I need to do. I
bet she’s missing him too. We can miss
him together.
In the second version of the exchange,
Evan doesn’t take the conversation in a
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