Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Apr/May 2018 Aspire Magazine Full Issue | Page 66

self-compassion. Learning to treat ourselves
like our own best friend is powerful and
healing. Compassion helps us transform
our shame about failure by understanding
that we have made a mistake but we are
not a mistake. Being understanding and
compassionate to ourselves allows us to
bounce back more quickly and focus on
what we can learn from the challenge, rather
than getting stuck in self-pity and despair.
When we are able to shift from shame to
self-compassion we are empowered to
recognize new choices we can make and
grow from difficult experiences.
Choosing self-compassion is also critical
because shame and a sense of unworthiness
can prevent us from consistently nurturing
ourselves, which leads us to feeling
chronically stressed and overwhelmed
rather than resilient. Choosing to respond
to ourselves with self-compassion is a
transformational act of acceptance and
love. As Christopher Germer reminds us,
“A moment of self-compassion can change
your entire day. A string of such moments
can change the course of your life.”
2. Be Mindful About What You
In addition, if you notice that you are blaming
yourself for the difficult experience and find
yourself using words like, “if only I weren’t,”
which reinforces personalization, change
the words to “if only I hadn’t”. When we
take accountability for our actions instead
of blaming and shaming ourselves, we can
learn from the situation instead of seeing it
as more evidence of our unworthiness.
Say to Yourself 3. Journal Daily
How we talk to ourselves is critical in the
process of cultivating resilience. When we
respond to ourselves with criticism and
judgement we reinforce personalization,
pervasiveness, and persistence. For
instance, if we find ourselves using the
language of “never” and “always” we will
reinforce our belief of the permanence of
the experience. If you notice yourself using
those words, choose to change them to
“sometimes” or “lately” and support yourself
in seeing more possibilities and the potential
for healing or change. Journaling is a wonderful healing practice.
It provides a space to express how we feel,
what we have experienced, and reflect
on our thoughts. Writing each day allows
us to identify and affirm our feelings and
experiences, and recognize our healing
and growth over time. In building resilience,
creating a safe space to affirm our feelings
can be very healing, as well as identifying
things we have accomplished to focus our
attention on what is going well in our lives
and build our confidence.
66
www.AspireMAG.net | April / May 2019