Artslandia at the Performance: Portland Playhouse Nov/Dec 2014 | Page 56

The television star and prominent solo performer behind The People’s Republic of
Portland shares a few passing thoughts with Artslandia. ILLUSTRATIONS BY CAROLYN MAIN.

THE REAL PORTLAND
Everyone has their own Portland,
and they can’t believe I would listen
to what someone else has to say about
Portland. They’ll ask me where I’m going
for material, and I’ll say, “I’m meeting this guy
who makes beer out of the yeast in his beard.”
And they’ll say, “That’s so cliché. You need to go
to the naked bike ride. That’s a real Portland
moment.” Or, “Building your own pizza oven
in your backyard, that’s what Portland is
about right now.”

WHEN YOU LEARN
TO LOVE YOURSELF …
People are always telling me
that whenever I get over my
mental illness, or get through
this manic period, Portland will
always be here for me. As soon
as I wizen up, there’s Shangri
La right up the coast. “Don’t
bring your friends — but when
you’re done with all that hubbub, you can move here.”

BEER/MEDICAL WASTE
I’ve watched people guzzle down pint
glasses of brown liquids that taste like
the NYC summertime gutter water. (I
know this because I was in New York
City one summer and a taxi cab went
by and splashed gutter water into my
mouth.) Yet you cannot stop me from
sampling a new beer. It’ll be some
ridiculously complicated concoction,
like “the original mead from the
bible,” or “Drano, tobacco, stomach
acid, with a hint of chocolate.” And I’ll
think, “My god; that sounds disgusting. I have to try it.”

THE SECRET WORLD
OF MEN’S FACES
There’s a secret world of
men’s faces behind all the
beards in Portland. Actually,
the Portland type is attractive to me. They’re so rugged. But if they all shaved
their beards, it might just
be a town of tiny little pin
faces. I don’t have any jaw
line reference on anybody.