ARIES MAGAZINE 2014 MAY | Page 22

WORST DATES EVER! These reader’s had doozies, be glad it wasn’t you. “I went on a date with this person who spent the entire date telling me, while we were in a crowded Mexican restaurant, first, how much he hated his husband but wouldn’t leave him because he hated him so much that he didn’t want him to have anything he had, followed by the detailed story of his suicide.” —Victor K. 29 “I had a great date I met on Match.com and I was walking him home at the end of the night and suddenly she started to run away. I started to chase after him and asked him what happened and he just said “Police! I have a warrant out for me.” Well when I found out he had a warrant I kept running, but a different direction than he went. I eventually got caught by the cops and I had to spend a good 20 minutes explaining to them the situation and how I was in no way involved in his crack cocaine dealing ring.” —Greg A., 23 “I had my first date in like 3 months after ending a serious relationship. He told me he’s scared of sleeping with a black man because of AIDS. Welp.” —Travis H., 21 “A guy I met at a party told me that not only had he been raped by aliens, but that his psychic told him that we were a good match. He also felt the need to apologize for treating me poorly, in a past life…” —Frank P., 24 “A guy asked me to go to a concert with him, when I got to the venue, he also brought his boyfriend with him. I haven’t replied to his messages ever since.” — Sam W., 20 2 2 M A Y 2 014 / ARIES “Out on a first date. We’re talking about mutual friends, neighbors, family, etc., and LOTS of the names are familiar. Long story short, I discovered that he was my second cousin. Yay, rural Kentucky.” —Will M., 25 • 5:30 – We meet at 50’s diner next to my work. • 5:35 – He orders a milkshake. • 5:37 – He asks me about Jesus in my life. • 5:39 – “Maybe you need to read the fucking Bible!” • 5:42 – “If Gandhi did not accept the Lord Jesus Christ as our one and ONLY savior, then he is BURNING IN HELL! AND SO WILL YOU! But the Lord can still save you”. • 5:44 – I put $10 on the table and simply walked out of the door. “What! Are you just going to leave me here?” —Lyle U., 30