I Use My Words.. But No One Hears Me
By Lance Haynie, AORE Board President Elect
“Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than what you really mean; that's the whole art and joy of words.” – C.S. Lewis
I feel effective communication is a lifetime pursuit. I do not believe anyone can communicate with another in a perfect manner at any time. This may be most true in our personal relationships. As a kinesthetic learner, I have been “grasping” this communication lesson for the past eight years with my wife. More often than not, the words we say to each other are “heard” very differently than what either of us originally intended. While this has implications in every aspect of our lives, I will make an attempt to tie it to our professional pursuits.
I work in a campus recreation setting. Traditionally, our collective team has been comprised of three separate groups:
- Facilities team, people responsible for maintaining the physical spaces of our work
- Program team, those who coordinate the activities in and outside of our building
- Business team, the support structures including payroll, accounting, and human resources
I have a personal theory that each of these groups attracts certain individuals that orient themselves and work in particular ways including preferred communication methods. Let me explain…
It is my personal belief that people that work in areas of responsibility with facilities see things as fixed or broken, black or white, on or off, etc. I feel this collides with programmers that see more shades of gray and prefer to share the “story” of what they do and why they do it. So what does this mean for our communication styles? How does the awareness of this idea make me a more effective communicator?
I feel the benefit lies in awareness itself. When I taught outdoor leadership, I focused a few days on the topic of awareness. Outdoor leaders rely on a developed skillset of awareness to inform their decision making. Leaders must be able to accurately assess their environment, their group, and themselves in order to make the right calls for the good of the group. If I know that my unfiltered communication style has certain adverse effects on various audiences, then I should know how to better code or tone my message to be more effective.
There are direct implications for my facilities and program teams. I know that my facilities co-workers prefer to get much more substantial lead time on new information so that a thorough strategy and plan can be developed. I also know that my programmers are able to bring in a wealth of creativity and flexibility to any given project or initiative. As a director, I have to balance each of these teams’ needs for success so that our collective success can be achieved. All of this starts with knowing my audience and knowing what they need from me in order to be successful including my verbal and written messaging.
My question to you is how are you cultivating awareness, in yourself, to the various ways your words are being heard by others? Do you reflect back on the tone you used, the word choices, and the metaphors? Do you take time to summarize your points with your staff, to recap what you heard from them, or create a culture of ease so that communication can flow even if there is confusion?
Next time you encounter “hot spots” with your teams, consider the words you are using the way you are using them. The relief may be as simple as re-tooling your communication so you can be heard.
10