Amarantine Volume 4: Expectations! - Page 73

those conditions of worth from our past life. They could be seen as our core conditions of worth, ones that were placed upon us without choice, and we kick against them. I feel, for me this has been part of my block to writing this article. I hate (hate is a strong word and believe me, I do not use it lightly) the negative conditions of worth that were placed upon me, and I have worked so long and hard to change and develop these to positive ones. Then all of a sudden they rear their ugly head. Expectations; demands; which were placed upon me, and then me and my expectations of others. This caused me angst, and frustration. I feel, because they were placed on me, I had to meet these expectations. I also demanded them of others and WO- betide anyone that didn’t meet them. It became about respect, principles, being a good person, so if you didn’t meet my expectations then it meant in my eyes that you didn’t respect me. In fact, it demonstrated a huge disrespect. In other words; you were telling me ‘I was not worthy’. Personally and professionally, I have challenged expectations and what constraints they place on us all. I have learnt and unlearned about many things; one being expectations. Is it truly healthy to place such a heavy burden on someone? “We expect you to pass your exams son.” “I expect you to say you love me when I tell you.” “I expect that you will listen when I talk.” “I expect that you will agree with me, because I am your parent, your boss, your partner.” You don’t have to stop at a red light, but be prepared for the consequences. Now that is not me placing an expectation, this is about consequences of our actions. What you want, what you give, is it what I need; or is it what you think I need. Alyson Daley © 2018 Alyson Daley Lecturer in Psychology (University of Huddersfield and Bradford College), Huddersfield Change Project volunteer, Mental Health Practitioner, and Energy Mover. Volume4 AMARANTINE 73