50 Years of Umko 1966 - 2016 1966 - 2016 | Page 62

Then - in front of the amused crowd - Ernie said:
“Nibble my ear”, leaning in closer to Hugh.
“What for?” Hugh spluttered.
“Just nibble my ear. I like a bit of passion when I’m being fucked around.”
The starter at a shorter pre-Umko race at Hella Hella or No.8 one year was
the ever-colourful Arthur Toekoe Egerton who loaded his own ammo for
his .38 special. Deciding he wanted a louder bang than usual to be sure
all paddlers would hear him he overloaded some ammo specially for the
day. This resulted in the revolver exploding, sending shrapnel and metal
projectiles in all directions and leaving paddlers in no doubt that the race
had truly begun!
One year at Hella Hella the water was low, but rising. Officials consulted,
and KCC Chairman Bill Barron announced the start would be delayed to
allow the water to rise and make its way downstream. Soon after the start
of the elite batch, and while the nervous also-rans were still waiting to set
off on the now-pumping brown water Bill cheerfully made his now-famous
announcement of which there are many different versions. Here are two: “I
have just heard from No.1: There is carnage down there. Half the A-batch is
swimming and we could pick a full Springbok team on the bank”! Or “We
could pick a full Springbok team from the swimmers”. No doubt a few boats
were quietly placed back on roofracks.

UMKO Officialdom - not all black Mercs and blue lights

Lots of mirth and laughter and camaraderie, but always remember the
officials still have to do the challenging work: Besides all the organising and
logistics there’s the fierce rivalry where some paddlers (or their dads!) shout
“unfair!” and the officials have to mediate, placate and rule.
Then there’s the safety aspect: Making the calls on when and where - and
whether - to paddle. Paddlers who preferred low water would phone when
high water rumours were about and plead for the race to be postponed,
threatening dire consequences - out of their heartfelt concern for others, not
fear for themselves, of course - if it wasn’t. At least nowadays lifejackets
(PFDs), helmets and buoyancy aren’t a subject for debate any more. Gone
are the days, Mike Frizelle recalls, when on the banks of a raging river all our
officials would carefully check was that you were wearing your regulation
club colours!
Worst of all official duties though, was the lot that befell Pete Mountford,
Allie Peter and Robbie Stewart when they were in charge: They had to look
for a missing paddler. That has happened before, but this time it took a
helicopter trip the next day to find Peter Marlin’s body below Gully Rapid.
They also had the tough task of informing his loved ones (we tell a fuller
account of the tragedy in the next chapter).

Talking helicopters:

No.1 approaches - 2007 ©Jon Ivins

UMKO 50 Years

One year a helicopter landed on the farm at the overnight stop. Not where
choppers are meant to land, and it wasn’t the Umko chopper, it was a
Squatter Chopper.
Ernie found the pilot and the person instructing the pilot. “Oh, my son is
doing the race and I just wanted to follow him”. “Te rrible sorry,” said Ernie,
“but we have to be careful not to jeopardise the race and our relations with
the farmer, plus our chopper is following and filming the race and having a
second chopper hovering in the narrow valley could be dangerous. We must
ask you to please leave.”
The next year the same Dad phoned Rob Davey and this time he asked

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