1. Make sure to start with situations or people with whom it would be easier to become assertive with. Increase the level of difficulty when you have had some success and your confidence has increased.
2. Focus on becoming assertive in one area (e.g. home, or volunteer, work) or with one per (e.g. boss or wife/husband). Don't try to become assertive in all aspects of your life at once. Think of the analogy of climbing a ladder. You want to climb one rung at a time and not try to reach for the top rung right away.
3. Complete a Thought Record to objectively re-appraise any negative thoughts(s) that are bothering you and preventing you from becoming more assertive.
4. Be aware that some situations will be more difficult, or that you will not be as successful as you wanted. If it didn't go well, learn from it and then forget it that is "Bury the judge within you!"
5. Try to use the unselfish "I" as much as possible. Avoid "You" statements, which will only make the other person defensive. Avoid put-downs and threats - again, the other person will probably feel defensive.
6. Know what you want, what you need, and what your feelings are about a situation. Stick to the important point. Express your request in one or two clear and easy to understand sentences. A group of weak arguments or statements do not add up to one good one. If anything this way confuse your message. Use the following analogy: You want a tight sealed water bucket and not a leaky one.
7. There is no one right way to be assertive. It depends on the situation, the person, and what you want.
8. Be aware of your non-verbal behavior. Look in the person's eye, but do not stare (aggressive) or look down and away from the person (passive). Maintain an assertive body posture: hold yourself up straight and don't stand far away (passive) or too close (aggressive). Try to maintain a clear tone in your voice, don't whine or be apologetic (passive) or be loud and abusive (aggressive). Use gestures and facial expression for emphasis if necessary. If you like, you could try these out in a mirror. For example, practice being passive, aggressive, and then assertive in the mirror so you can get feedback on your non-verbal behavior.
Be sure to come back to Bending Reality Magazine www.bendingrealitymag.com
for Part III of Assertiveness Techniques and Ways.
By r0lly