Coping skills are skills that we use to offset stressors or disadvantages in everyday life.
They help people to tolerate, reduce or minimize the impact of stressful events.
Coping skills can be positive or negative.
Positive coping skills help us to get through situations at nearly the same level as those that do not have the same stressor or disadvantage.
Negative coping skills may provide short term relief or distraction, but ultimately worsen our stress or disadvantage. An example of this is the use of alcohol or drugs, initially it can be an escape from their problems, but eventually it becomes more damaging then the actual problem.
Coping skills are like tools in a toolbox, the more good tools you have, the more likely you will be able to cope with any situation that arises.
It can take a while to build up your toolbox. It involves some experimentation. Some tools will be discarded along the way because they are ineffective for them. Everybody has things that work better for them, or don't work at all.
Types of coping skills:
Positive coping skills can be both problem solving and emotion focused.
Problem solving skills involve actively doing something to relieve the stressor. Emotion focused skills involve relieving the emotional consequences of stressful events.
Most people will use a combination of both types, depending on their style and the type of stressful event. If the problem appears controllable, problem solving coping skills are more likely to be used. Stressors that are seen as less controllable will prompt more emotion focused coping.
Where do we learn coping skills?
As children we learn through observing others such as our parents, other family members, peers, teachers, through media T.V., movies, everything we hear and see, through trial and error.
This is why some of us have negative coping skills in our toolbox that are hard to shake.
In a case of a less controllable stressor, it is important to gain acceptance.
(otherwise you may use a negative coping skill such as denial)
Acceptance This is how it is and not how it was, might have been or should have been or how I want it to be, hoped it would be or planned it to be.
It would be best to just accept whatever happened as how it is and to get on with our life in a positive way.
Be sure to come back to Bending Reality Magazine (bendingrealitymag.com) for the continuation of COPING SKILLS and PROBLEM SOLVING in our next issue.