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1 See Black’s Law Dictionary (9th ed. 2009) (defining “provocation” as “[t]he act of inciting another to do something”).

2 MCL 287.321.

3 MCL 287.322(1).

obviously) testifies that Porkchop has “possible killer tendencies.”

When Beebe narrates her version of the story, her attorney abruptly cuts her off before she can explain that “it sounds worse than” it looks and that “it didn’t hurt.” After denying Doug’s request to question Beebe and depriving Porkchop of the opportunity to testify, the judge announces that he is ready to render a verdict. Fortunately, Doug delivers a heartwarming speech about how Porkchop is part of his family and always helps Bluffington’s citizens when asked. In response, the judge shows mercy and moves the trial to the frozen lake where the incident happened.

At the ice rink, Beebe explains what happened and walks too close to the thin ice again. Porkchop starts freaking out, but Doug insists that there has to be a reason. All of a sudden, Beebe screams and falls into the water, but Porkchop breaks away from his leash and saves Beebe once again. After his heroic rescue, everyone realizes that Porkchop is not the dangerous dog they thought he was after all. In the end, Beebe and Mr. Bluff thank Porkchop for saving Beebe’s life and throw a huge Christmas party his honor.

Unfortunately, in the real world things are handled differently. For example, MCL 287.351 provides:

"If a dog bites a person, without provocation while the person is on public property . . . the owner of the dog shall be liable for any damages suffered by the person bitten, regardless of the former viciousness of the dog or the owner’s knowledge of such viciousness.”

Under Michigan law, Doug would be responsible for Beebe’s injuries because the incident occurred while Beebe was on public property and without provocation. However, Doug would likely claim that Porkchop was actually provoked by Beebe. Since Porkchop was aware of the thin ice and was only trying to save Beebe when he bit her, Beebe arguably provoked Porkchop by walking too close to the hazard.1 If the provocation defense fails, then Porkchop would be considered a “dangerous animal.”2 If Porkchop ever bit another person and a complaint is filed, Doug would need to show cause as to why Porkchop should not be destroyed.3 Sadly, I doubt Doug’s sappy speech would suffice. Sorry, Porkchop!

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